QR
AN OPEN LETTER TO OPEN-MINDED LIBTARDS
CHAPTER VIII: WHAT CAN YOU DO
MALTHUS MOSSBEETLE • 4:40 AM
Give up. Sell out. Get rid of your spoons.
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You've seen who holds power and how they got it. More importantly, you've seen what they plan to do with it. You've had time to gauge the muted reactions of the average citizen. Why fight the inevitable? An honest person, an idealist, or a dreamer has no place in this country. You need to accept that. The first step is to embrace MAGA.
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Look at it like this, if you're a progressive who votes Democrat, you're not a real progressive, are you? They don't think so. So why not make the switch. Come join us. Most Americans, including real progressives, despise your party. Democratic leaders are corrupt and incompetent; that they're not the most corrupt and incompetent only reminds us they're the worst. Your party is dead. It's time to leave it behind. You don't have to become a Republican. Call yourself a Libertarian if it makes you feel better. Your support of MAGA is what matters. The good news is the transition will be easier than you think. (The better news is that there can be good money in it.)
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Whether it's crypto, supplements, or an AI startup, those promoting dubious products are generally optimistic about them. The act of selling and, God forbid, a little success solidifies their conviction. Unfortunately, you are going into this with your eyes open. You know the pursuit is selfish and the results harmful, but you must keep at it. Persistence is key. Sell the Kool-Aid long enough, and you won't have to drink it.
People hate the idea that they are hypocrites or worse. Rather than acknowledging their mistakes and changing their ways, they alter their beliefs to conform to their actions. In other words, fake it till you make it. (For whatever reason, no one associates this advice with, say, becoming a Nazi, but it's still applicable.)
And if sometimes, late at night, you feel the nag of your old conscience, take a breath and give money to a good cause. That’s allowed. In fact, it’s the only form of giving MAGA supports: someone else’s.
If that doesn't work, there's always liquor.
It's easy to sit there and say you'd like to have more money. And I guess that's what I like about it. It's easy.
-Jack Handey
Perhaps you're unsure of what any of this looks like in practice? You have no idea where to start. Don’t worry. QR is here to light the way.
If you’re an intelligent person employed in a competitive field, my advice is simple: abandon your ethics. If you’re already wealthy and/or well-connected, abandon the law as well.
If you aren’t particularly talented, don't fret. The internet is your friend. The constant consumption of content ensures mediocrity abounds. Find the right subject matter and then relentlessly pursue engagement. The easiest way to do this is to act like an asshole. Spread misinformation, attack experts, spin conspiracies, argue in bad faith.
In your pursuit, get creative! But not too creative. Use language like cucks and woke mind virus to identify yourself. Like every religion piggybacking off the last, you must establish your credentials by reaffirming existing beliefs. Start by co-opting “accepted” positions and build upon them. Consider yourself an authority on any subject. Don’t have a degree? No problem. A high Lumosity score is just as good. Whatever your take is, make it outrageous. The veracity of the argument is unimportant, but make sure to show your work. For instance, did you know a diet high in lead can shield you from 5G? The lead coats the myelin sheath of the neurons and acts as a natural barrier against radio waves. It’s sciencey!
If you go down the MAGA road, don't forget to cheerlead. Trump supporters venerate his every action. MAGA regularly engages in a highly developed practice called throat singing. It's their unique custom of singing Trump's praises while he fucks their face. You know it when you hear it. It produces a distinct, guttural sound that is said to evoke a sense of nostalgia for the forgotten America of a bygone time.
Women and minorities, join me over here for a quick word.
Know your place. Not all MAGA supporters are racist and misogynistic. There are plenty of women and minorities who voted for Trump. You, like them, must learn to tolerate the worst, most hateful people within the community. To do otherwise is to risk banishment. You don’t have to agree with what they say, but you can’t criticize them for saying it. This self-policing creates an ecosystem where awful people and ideas flourish, but you must never dissent. Focus instead on the glory of MAGA and ignore all the other troubling behavior.
To minorities specifically.
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The worst ones do not see white liberals as American, so no, they definitely don’t see you that way. To them, you are an American the same way a waiter is part of a country club. Don’t push back. Toe the line. The customer is always right.
Back to it.
Become a provocateur. The world used to engage with literary firebrands —writers who challenged our preconceived notions and attacked societal norms. It was a lot of effort all around. Fortunately, now we have social media, so all you have to do is post awful shit and act like you’re kidding…maybe. Sure, it’s cowardly, but it works.
As you can see below, provocateur is one of three distinct roles identified on the Condy Scale of Social Media:
Activist
Provocateur
Bomb Thrower
Condy
(Conservative D-bag)
Scale of Social Media
​A provocateur might tweet something like, "Imagine waking up every morning and convincing yourself you're gay. Lol." Whereas a conservative activist will tour college campuses and argue why their personal faith means gay marriage is unconstitutional. They'll post clips on YouTube. On the other end is bomb thrower, a polite label used by the media. (Also referred to as flamethrower). A bomb thrower's job is to say truly reprehensible things and stand by them. There is no pretense of humor.
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The Condy scale is a progression. Each role beckons a step toward radicalization. The extreme side makes the others seem reasonable, while the most reasonable side tills fresh ground for the extremists. Not everyone makes the full journey, but enough do.
All of them can pay dividends, but there is considerably more money to be made in activism.
Charlie Kirk is a phenomenally successful conservative activist. Kirk is the CEO and founder of Turning Point USA, as well as Turning Point Action, Turning Point Academy, Turning Point Faith, Turning Point on Demand, Turning Point Lite, and Turning Point for Ladies: Home Kitchen Essentials. He even has an honorary degree from Liberty University. (It's the same degree all the students receive.)
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Should you succeed in becoming one of the above, the next step is to host a podcast. It's essential to launch your podcast when you already have a following. The podcasting landscape these days is far too crowded. It's estimated that by 2030, there will be more podcasts than people in America. (This is partly due to a declining birthrate. Elon is doing his best to shore up the numbers, but you have to factor in the murder rate. For every life taken, you get a true-crime podcast.) If you don't have some degree of fame, it will be impossible for people to separate your noise from the cacophony.
When you're first starting out, the advertisers will be seedy. Don't be discouraged. Even Ted Cruz peddled Fleshlights early on. Once you can show you have the numbers, BetterHelp will come calling. Generally, it's a good idea to personally recommend the product, but use common sense. Ted was way too enthusiastic about his Fleshlight. (The company severed ties after he described it as a good a listener.)
Please have realistic expectations. Everyone wants to be the new Joe Rogan, but there's only room for one at the top, and Joe is the undisputed champion. His raw, unfiltered approach has led to countless moments of comedy gold.
(Remember what happened in hour three of episode 8,942? Elon was listing his favorite numbers when Joe stifled a yawn. So Elon unzipped his pants himself and began ranting about Covid lockdowns. Joe practically dove under the table. Then Elon went on and on about how California is basically Soviet Russia and how America's biggest problem is too much empathy, and the whole time, there was Joe, bobbing his head up and down in agreement, like a chicken with a point of view. And right after Elon finished, squarely on Joe's face, Jamie played "West Texas In My Eye," and everyone burst out laughing and lit a cigar. It was an all-timer. Sadly, this will never be you.)
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Start an alternative news site. The mainstream media is the voice of the deep state. Your goal is to bring the unvarnished truth to the people. Source your material from everywhere. Every local occurrence has the potential to be a national outrage. Scour Twitter for crazy takes and package them as evidence of broader thinking. When it comes to reporting, follow this rule: one is a trend. Fox News can help. Write articles about the stories they cover. It’s the most popular news network in the country. Viewers will turn to the internet for corroboration. Echo the story. New information isn’t necessary, but conjecture will make it your own. Be sure to mention how no one is talking about it. Lastly, give your site a name that establishes credibility. I'll help.
Choose any of the following words:
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Patriot, American, Liberty, Defender, MAGA, Conservative, Freedom, Reagan, 2A, Christ, Christian, Ammo, Trump, Heartland, Red State, Real, Hidden, Alternative.
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Combine it with one of these:
Action, News, Times, Sun, World, Herald, Network, Post, Whispers, Truth, Reporting, Tattler
And voila! Your site is Christian2ANews, or the RedStateLibertyPost, or the ReaganChristHerald.
Congratulations! You may call yourself a journalist.
Another target-rich environment is self-help. First, you need to identify a group suffering from a particular issue. Think like a pharmaceutical company: there's no money in treating a rare disorder. Find something sizeable. If it's controversial, even better.
For instance, there is an ongoing debate in this country about the future of pornography. Religious types want it banned. Free speech advocates and perverts vigorously defend it. Whatever your views, it is clear for some people porn addiction is a real problem.
Offer your sensible approach to address this problem. Host a Youtube show as the Marie Kondo of porn. The goal isn't to eliminate someone's habit but to tidy it up a bit. Does this strangulation video really spark joy, or was it your third go of the day? You could help a new guest each week. Or, better yet, create a WeightWatchers-style system to monitor consumption. Make it complicated. Don’t just score frequency but also content. Once, yesterday, but it was to amateurs in missionary, filmed from a fixed side angle? That’s only 7 points. Provide testimonials. It could even come with an app to track your progress. Imagine what that data would be worth.
Go ahead, give it a shot. What have you got to lose? It doesn't matter what you come up with. Anything's got to be better than the buddy system.
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Now, if you have a good memory, don’t mind reading, and love the sound of your own voice, you could become a pedantic magician. It works like this: A child sits before a magician who produces something shiny, like a coin. "Where’d that come from?" asks the child. And the magician responds:
“You have to view it as a question of predisposition. All mob violence is democratic violence, so democracy fails on an individual level. And the world had never seen such violence as nationalism produced. However, the history of the West is one of civilizations because, innately, we know some form of order is beneficial. The impulse goes back millennia. The Babylonians thrived during the Bronze Age; their capital was as prosperous a city as the world has ever seen, but around the corner, there was always a Hittite with a new smelting process or an angry Akkadian or Assyrian, going back to the Sumerians, the Ur civilization, if you’ll pardon the pun. So it’s in our DNA. We share a common ancestry with those early experiments. Alfred Rosenberg wrote extensively on the subject, and I know he’s taboo, but I think he had some interesting ideas. And you see a similar history in the East. And no, none of these empires lasted, so you must address stability, but this will never be achieved through an even larger, more bureaucratic government. Have you read Bierhals? It’s okay. Most people haven’t. He was a nineteenth-century axe-grinder from Heidelberg who argued passionately against German unification. It’s all in his twelve-volume treatise. Of course, no one teaches him, but his work is still relevant. It could have been written yesterday. And as far as Germany goes, well, we all know who was democratically elected in 1933, and it was completely avoidable.”
Here, the magician pauses, and the child, bewildered but smiling, nods his head and agrees the Holocaust was unnecessary. Everything else goes unchallenged, and the original question remains unanswered. The trick to pedantic magic is the misdirection comes after.
A few words of advice. This rhetorical technique is nothing new; it’s a subset of the Gish Gallop. The goal here isn’t to debate. Pedantic magic is most effective when performed for a willing audience. Think of it as a partnership. You’re already selling what they want, but they still need you to make the case for buying it. To that end, history isn’t the only subject to cherry-pick from. You can and should raid a multitude of disciplines. Religion, psychology, sociology, philosophy, anthropology. Looking to the animal kingdom is quite popular. Here are some fun facts: lobsters love hierarchies, and ants lead mildly entertaining lives. Also, homosexuality doesn’t exist in nature. (All those gay penguins were raised in captivity, so prison rules apply.)
If a debate is unavoidable, employ the usual dishonest tricks. Obfuscate and digress. Should you falter, dissect the question while spinning out into abstraction.
“What do we even mean when we say fascism? If everything is fascism, nothing is fascism. We could say fascists are authoritarian. Well, now we’re talking about systems of power that govern group dynamics, which are everywhere and have existed forever. So the inherent problem isn’t that an organizing structure is present, but rather how you achieve a specific outcome. And that’s an entirely different question.”
Even better. Since you know your argument, you should know its vulnerabilities. Have something prepared.
“What do we mean when we say fascism? Centralized authority? A rigid power structure, identifiable uniforms, constant surveillance, and a well-defined culture? Well, we’ve just described working at a Starbucks. Or any similar job. So by that logic, millions of people are fascists for 8 hours a day. Longer if they work overtime.”
See how it works?
This particular grift requires intelligence and creativity. (Though not at the levels you will pretend to.) Honestly assess yourself. It can be a great way to make a buck, but it’s not for everyone.
Clowns are the pegs on which the circus is hung.
-PT Barnum
These are but a few of the options available to you, the talentless hack. There are many others. Explore. Throw your own shit at the wall and see what sticks. People have made entire careers flinging their feces. Some are even in Congress. Let them serve as an inspiration to you. Follow in their footsteps. Sacrifice your dignity for profit. Trade substance for cheap, unoriginal style. Act the warrior, play the victim, and keep grinding. When it comes to the gang-rape of our country, the last person to fuck the corpse can still get off if they want it bad enough.
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